Life Goes On10:24 PM
Brennan's 3rd birthday party was great even though he didn't have a full blown party. He got a ton of gifts, his favorites being a Disney Cars themed bicycle we got him and a wooden train set we also got him. He is growing up so fast and learning new words by the minute. He's still very active but at least now he's easier to communicate with.
David and I have also now been married for three years. It's amazing how time has flew by. We still bicker from time to time but things have gotten a lot easier between us over the years. Sometimes when I get to feeling ungrateful I need to remind myself that this man has tolerated way more out of me than any guy ever has and he's also the only one that has allowed me the complete and total freedom to be myself... which to my understanding means he truly loves me. ;) Either way we have two very strong personalities that I know are bound to clash from time to time.
I'm feeling a little reminiscent at the moment so please bear with me.
I remember a time when someone told me they felt the need to parent me because I couldn't take care of myself. What's so interesting to me about that is that a. I believed it at the time and b. that same person ended up being the one who showed me how capable I really am. Uncanny isn't it? I'm sure they meant to show me how much I needed them but it had the exact opposite effect.
And now not only have I shown I'm fully capable of taking care of myself but that I'm fully capable of caring for a family on top of that. It blows me away to fully realize that. I have taken care of not one but three people. Amazing.
And had you asked me about it five years ago I wouldn't have had a clue I would be where I am today. I felt that I was the stupid, shy, weak girl in the corner that always got pushed to the side and/or ignored. I never questioned if maybe my problems laid in the company I kept at the time more than they did in me.
I'm proud of myself. I've came a long way to become what I would consider to be a successful human being. By that I don't mean financial wealth so much as being capable and demonstrating the ability to rise above a bad situation. I have become a strong woman at last. :)
It feels like right now I'm getting a lot of old prayers answered.. perhaps God is playing catch up. ;) Or perhaps He simply saw it was time for His will to be done (which is far more likely).
But I think the greatest thing of all is that I can finally relax. Relaxing is something that has not come naturally to me and now I find that few problems are actually worth getting upset about. God takes care of me so why fear?
I think perhaps the fear factor sank in when I was little and saw no way out. But now days I realize more and more with each passing day what a big world it is, how much there is to do, and how much freedom I really have and have always had. The only person at the end of the day trapping me was me, because I allowed others to control me.
Growing up is interesting. :)